A year ago, I took one the bravest step I had ever taken. I know how to go forward, push forward, fake it, faith it, warrior on, get it done. Life taught me how to master the game of pretend. I pretended looking ahead was the only option until the knock at the door of my soul became so loud I could no longer ignore it. One year ago today, I found myself on my new yoga mat, curled in the fetal position as tears streamed down my face. My tears spoke the words my mouth could not utter at the moment. Within my bones was a lifetime (well, many) of sadness, ache, despair trying to escape. I felt alone, scared, frightened and for the first time “alive.” I felt the pain, as badly as it hurt, within the pain lie an ancient elixir of sacred truth.
A year has passed; many more seas of tears have fallen yet truth still prevails. After feeling triggered, I embraced one of my ancient truths, when in distress go within to listen to my soul’s truth. This path always leads me to the most glorious place and it almost always involves tears streaming down my face. Today, this path lead back—full circle—to the yoga video I stumbled upon a year ago entitled “Love Yourself Yoga Flow.”
A year ago, I began this video and I could only muster the first 6 minutes. I mustered the strength to complete the first 6 minutes, time and time again. It was all of the self-love I could receive but it was a start. I held on and life taught me better how to live it. God led me to a tribe of women who held space for my undoing and in the process, I gave birth to my own healing. It was the most painful, glorious experience all wrapped into one. Today, I glided through the entire 32 minute practice fully surrendering to the art of self-love, there were still a few tears and I’m ok with that. My heart is open and my soul is free indeed.