Dear Granny, Thank you for loving me...

Dear Granny

Thank you for loving me well, seeing me, doing all that you could to protect me and understanding that in the end, you could not protect me from the lessons that I had to learn. It’s been almost 5 years since you went home and almost 5 years since I begrudgingly allowed my heart to go ahead and break open. When I was a child, I thought you knew everything, I thought you were God though you humbly placed my hand in the Divine Creator's. 

It seems you knew all along that I had an unpaved road ahead that I would need to travel. Thank you for walking along side me in spirit and truth. Thank you for believing in me, in my possibility, for shining a light on the innocence that remained after the breakings. Thank you for giving me the purest, untamed reflection of Jesus. Thank you for leading me to him through your life well lived. Thank you for teaching me how to carry on in spite of disappointment.   

The things I’ve learned in the almost 5 years since my grandmother’s homegoing…

1.     Be brave enough to really, truly LIVE.

2.     It’s OK to outgrow people, places, things, circumstances, and conditions.

3.     Truth hurts and heals, often in the same breath

4.     Happiness is a choice that we get to make in each passing moment.

5.     To love is fucking messy, the middle is fucking messy, but to honor my own truth is worth the mess.

6.     Life is “both” “and” not always “either” “or.”

7.     Putting myself first is the gift I give to myself and others. Though often, it feels like a tug of war.

8.     Walls cannot keep us safe, they are not sustainable, only healthy, enforced boundaries can truly keep us safe.